for the brave ones

"Look! Look! Look at me, Auntie Hanna!"

An epic jump, tree climb, or slide usually follows as my nieces and nephew call for my attention.

They're asking, "Look at me! I'm about to do something brave! I'm about to do something cool and fun! I'm about to be fearless and I want all of your attention and affirmation!"

I'm sitting there, proud of their courage and asking myself, "whatever happened to my childhood bravery and being totally unashamed of who I am?"

What has happened to the Hanna that was constantly looking for the nearest tree to climb, the next cliff to jump, the next place to travel to and explore, and most importantly, the next stranger to talk to and bless?

Whatever happened to my bravery? My courage? My fearlessness? My security?

For one of the first times in my life, I've been experiencing multiple levels of fear.
Fear of rejection, fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of not being who I thought I was, fear of sinking back into bad habits and losing faith in God--fear of losing the very core of who I am. And on top of that, shame for listening to those fears.

Fear is a beast. 

It doesn't only attack you, it paralyses you.
It makes you complacent. It keeps you from moving forward--in fact, it keeps you from moving at all.
It numbs you. It freezes you. It shuts you down from emotional connection with others, yourself and God. It steals your laughter. It steals your joy. It steals your love. It steals your life.

I'm currently in a major period of transition. I've recently moved from beautiful Amsterdam to the majestic Pacific Northwest; I've moved back to where I was born and raised.
You'd think that moving "home" would be the easiest transition yet in my life, but I've found it's been one of the hardest.

Yet in the fear and insecurity of this transition, I'm learning one really important and precious lesson...

and that's deep faith and total dependence on God.

How many times in the Bible do we see people leaning on God in times of fear? The Psalms are full of David crying out to the Lord to be his fortress and shield.

God alone makes us sure-footed on unstable terrain. He's the One to direct our steps. I've moved home with no agenda, planning and waiting on Him to open doors because that was His promise to me a year ago. And let me tell you, it's hard. It's hard to trust God will actually come through on all of His promises--but He does.
He always does.

Dear heart, if you're in a phase of transition and/or fear--go back to the promises of God!

When I was eighteen, God told me I was going to live in Seattle for a time in my twenties after going through private university debt-free and being in missions for two years.

That has happened. 

He has also promised me I will be going back into missions full-time within the next ten years.

That has yet to happen. 

Yet in this in-between, insecure, unsure, familiar yet totally different stage of life, God has challenged me to do three things:

- Love Him deeply
- Trust Him unwaveringly
- Love others wildly

Fear and insecurity want to keep me from doing those things. They don't want me to do anything at all. They want me to stand frozen and watch my one life pass me by.

But today, I choose to be fearless and unashamed.

Today, I choose to be courageous and be myself. I choose to be active in my life. I choose to bring Jesus into all parts of my life and let His crazy Love flip everything upside-down in radical grace.

I choose to have a deep faith in God, because a genuine faith and trust in another shatters fear and gives us security.

And I want to do this because, "A sincere faith in Jesus and all He wants to do around us wakes us up, rattles our lives, shifts every perspective, issues hope in pain, and ignites purpose." 
(Jennie Allen, Nothing to Prove).

Will you choose this with me? 

Because I'm tired of numbing out, being too scared to move forward watching my life go on without me, and seeing those around me do the same. 

Let's be a fearless, life-living and life-giving generation.

Let's be the voice of hope and life in this world, not of fear and doubt.

Let's look for trees to climb, strangers to bless, friends to love, challenges to conquer, dreams to live out and meanwhile watch our Father smile in sheer adoration as we exclaim, "Daddy, Daddy! Look at me! I'm being brave!"

My Jesus, 

Thank you that fear is nothing to you. 
Thank you that you still all fear. You still all shame and speak courage and identity into my heart.
Thank you that your plans are good and always lead to life and joy--because that is who you are. You are Life, and you are always leading me back to you. 

Thank you that you take delight in my courage. You delight in my joy. You delight in who I am and who you made me to be. You inspire me to be brave.

I love you. 

Love,
Hanna





The pictures above were taken in Italy in February and Washington State at the tulip festival this month :)

Bright as the Noonday

"Hanna. Help them."

That's it.
That's all God told me when he called me into sex industry ministry at age fifteen.

I was on a short-term mission trip to Guadalajara, Mexico with my youth group at the time (Dan, if you're reading this, a major shout-out to you for being an amazing Youth Pastor and spiritual mentor and for opening my eyes to the reality of the world of missions).
Although short, the trip had been real and intense. From going to the slums of Guadalajara to the wealthy streets--we saw the need for God everywhere. My heart was enlivened for missions, and I had been baptized in Holy Spirit on that trip. I knew after those two weeks my life was never going to be the same.

And I was right.

On the last night, our whole team spent a significant time praying over one another.
Four of us students were called to the mission field that same night.
And within two years, all of us had gone out in obedience.
One friend back to Mexico, two to Eastern Africa, and myself to Southeast Asia.

In the moment I was called, with tears streaming down my face, the Lord gave me a vivid, yet gruesome vision.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna sugar-coat it...
The Lord showed me two Southeast Asian women being violently raped and He simply said, "help them."

Since then, down in the depths of my spirit, I can't seem to shake away this passion for seeing justice come to women working in the sex industry.

I went to Thailand, and my heart for that region of the world grew. I know I'm going back (hopefully this summer/fall for a visit!) for either long or short-term.
But above all else, whether that's in Europe, stateside, Asia--or heck, even South America--I have an unwavering passion for seeing women set free from sex-trafficking and independent prostitution and to help them discover their true identity and priceless worth. 

This passion for justice has been reawakened during my time here in Amsterdam.

I left Thailand at age eighteen discouraged about God telling me to go to university and not to stay in Asia, so subconsciously I put my passion for women on the backburner until after school when it was "missions time" again.

My first mistake was thinking university wasn't also a missions field. Nonetheless, through being a ministry leader on campus and leading most campus community outreaches, the Lord kept my flame for active outreach alive.

My second mistake was putting my passion for sex industry ministry on the backburner. Because it's been a journey to reignite it here in Europe.

However, the Lord has been faithful to reignite this passion, and since Christmas, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that working with women and seeking God's heart for justice in the sex industry is something I want to do for the rest of my life. 

Funny thing too, because a part of the scripture prophesied over me for my time in Amsterdam goes like this:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth 

your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." 

Psalm 37:5-6 (ESV, italics added)

And oh, how I've seen this happen! 

Jesus has begun to break my heart for what breaks his. 

Tears come to my eyes as I think of the degrading violation my friends in the Red Light have to endure day in and day out. 

Tears come to my eyes as I think of certain conversations I've had with them; conversations about their personal value and their response being stumbling words and looking down at the ground in shame. 

I desire to see these women's righteousness shine as the light. And for justice to be bright in their lives--bright as the noonday. 

I desire, and Jesus does too, that they no longer immediately relate the words "light" with "red" and noonday as their time for sleep. 

He wants to redeem those words in their lives and to shine His glorious light in their hearts.

And it's such a privilege to take part in Christ's redeeming process here in Amsterdam. 

Jesus, my sweet, sweet Jesus. Your incredible heart for justice and righteousness inspires me daily. Thank you for fighting the ultimate fight with death 2000 years ago so we can embrace real life no matter how close to death we come. 

Thank you that nothing is too damaged for you to redeem. Thank you that nothing is too dark for you to not make bright again. 

Thank you for your light, kind yet majestic nature. 

I am so in love with you and so inspired by you. 

So every day I will continually choose to respond to your command;

Yes, Lord, I will help them. 

Love,

Hanna

Starting this week I will be participating in a six-week seminar on my base called the Shine Seminar. It's about global sex-trafficking and the Christian response. It has a full schedule, and will be intense content--so please pray for me, my classmates and school staff. I'm really excited for it because I know it will be so relevant to the ministry I'm doing in the Red Light District. 

Also, above I mentioned visiting Asia this summer. I'm going on a ministry trip to India in August and hopefully visiting/scouting out other parts of SE Asia while I'm there. If you'd like to help fund my trip (because as a YWAM missionary my everyday finances come from private gifts from individuals) please see my YouCaring page: 

https://www.youcaring.com/hannabishop-760674

THANK YOU! 

The photographs are captures I took in March during my trips to England and Paris.
I went to England for a womens conference with my Amsterdam home church, and then to Paris for a girls weekend with some friends.
I'm so blessed to have opportunities to travel here!

Backwards and Forwards

One year.


ONE YEAR.

How has it already been one year?

I look back in total amazement of how fast time flies...

I've lived in Holland for a whole year, and my commitment with YWAM Amsterdam is already halfway through...

I can't help but be filled with gratitude when I look back and excitement as I look forward.
This past year has been one of intense growth, inner-healing and development.
It's been entirely what I never expected.
It's been incredibly difficult yet absolutely necessary.
Jesus has led me through valleys I didn't even know existed and awoken dreams I had totally forgotten about.

I look back on this past year of ministry and I see lessons I've learned. 
I see how intercession and worship play an essential role in missional living and evangelistic outreach.

I see how God has opened doors for me to invest and utilize my gifts in music, art and hospitality. Opportunities have opened for me to worship, prophetically paint and welcome others into my city and into my life.

I see how Jesus has gifted my adventurous heart with travel and discovering new places and people regularly.

I see how God has taken my raw, wounded heart and has radically revived it and is now breathing inspiration, calling and life back into it.

I see how God has graciously opened hearts of the women I minister to in this city; how despite feeling so inadequate at times Christ has shone through me, inviting those lovely hearts to open in vulnerability and friendship. 

I look back and I see a present and active Holy Spirit, a gracious and loving Jesus and a faithful, faithful Abba Father.

Last February, Holland-bound and standing in the security line at Sea-Tac airport, I found myself starting up a conversation with another woman my age.
She was a spirit-filled Christian, and as I told her I was moving to be a missionary her eyes lit up and she said, "I knew it!"
She continued to share with me that before we started conversing, Holy Spirit told her to prophecy Psalm 37 over me--particularly the following passage:

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. 

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. 

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." (Psalm 37:3-6, ESV)

She encouraged me and said, "I feel like this next season in your life is going to be a one of the Lord fulfilling the desires of your heart as you trust in Him, do good and befriend faithfulness."

With tears in my eyes, we prayed at our boarding terminals and parted ways. I flew over the Atlantic with an encouraged heart.

In my first two weeks in Amsterdam, I heard that exact passage quoted multiple times.
I was shocked. 

And I was ready. I grabbed my bootstraps and said, "Alright Lord, undergrad was great but a hard time of training. Now I'm ready to work in this district, to delight in you and see these ministry desires finally fulfilled!"

But oh, I still had such a vital lesson to learn. 

I definitely wasn't expecting God to remind me that before I could chase after my dreams, I had to first chase after him. Even if it means digging into my past and embracing a deep healing process.

I did not expect that bump in the road, but despite the tear-filled nights and moments of feeling like I couldn't continue--I'm so thankful it all happened.
I'm grateful for every washing tear, every hard conversation and every bound-up wound.

I'm thankful because now I feel more whole than I ever have before.

I feel more equipped to walk with others in their inner-healing processes because now I've been there, too. 

And as I reflect on this past year, I see how it was essential for this upcoming one. 

Exciting things are on the horizon in these next few months!

In April, I'm doing a six-week seminar on my base called Shine. It focuses on the global sex-trade and the Christian response. I'll be immersed in the wisdom of international speakers while still doing weekly outreaches with the ladies in the Red Light District.
I've had a passion for sex-trade abolition since I was fifteen, and I haven't been engaged in it since high school. Although trafficking happens in Amsterdam, abolition is not my team's particular focus. We commit to sharing the gospel with all sex workers, whether they are trafficked or independent prostitutes (majority are independent in Amsterdam).

I've always been passionate about justice, and to be further equipped in sex-trafficking awareness excites me.

In this last year, Holy Spirit has also been putting Southeast Asia heavily back on my heart.

When I was first called to missions as a teen, God called me distinctively to Southeast Asia; hence why I moved to Thailand in 2012 to do my DTS.
It was on my DTS that God told me Western Europe was my next international frontier, but my heart has longed to return to Asia ever since I left--even just for a short trip.

Over Christmas, God confirmed that longing by providing an opportunity to go to Northeast India.
In Aizawl, a beautiful city nestled between Bangladesh and Burma in the foothills of the Himalayas, there is a Christian HIV children's home called Gan Sabra.
This home nurtures over thirty beautiful HIV orphans, providing them with a basic needs, proper medical care, education and the love of Jesus.
My aunt told me on Christmas that she is returning to Gan Sabra (she has been dozens of times, and considers it her second home) with an outreach team of about fifteen other women. She opened up the opportunity for me to join, and as she further explained about the home and the VBS ministry she'll be doing with the kids, I heard Holy Spirit say, "go."

Hence, I am SO excited to announce that I am stepping out in faith and going to Aizawl this August! 

My heart BURSTS with joy as I think about loving on these kids and partnering with Jesus again in Southeast Asia. To do this type of ministry in India truly is a desire of my heart and I can't wait to see God move through our team and in our hearts (links below for more info about Gan Sabra and financial support).

Pictures from living in Thailand--I miss it so!

It's crazy how God sees our desires and in loving kindness he fulfills them in proper time.
If God had provided these opportunities last year, I don't think I would have had the emotional capacity to really give my all. In fact, I think they would have drained me--not given me life!

...And to think, it's only February!
It's only February and I already have two great opportunities put in front of me to love, learn and serve this year in the capacity in which I feel called.
And I am already in such an incredible ministry! My relationships continue to grow with the women in this district and my team has begun doing language lessons and soon will also do Bible studies with some of the ladies. God is moving in this neighborhood and it is such a PRIVILEGE to be a part of it!

All this to say, I look backward and I look forward and I am thankful. 
For the pain the was and is to come, I am thankful.
For the healing that was and is to come, I am thankful.
For the JOY and LOVE that was and is to come, I am thankful.
And for Jesus, my sweet Jesus, who was and is and is yet to come...I am so eternally thankful. 

So here's to another year of learning, healing, growing, loving, relating, serving, giving, receiving, and simply being with those around me--and to passionately pursing the Lover of my soul. 

Doing ministry in the RLD--offering coffee and conversation to the ladies behind the windows.

Jesus, thank you for never giving up on me. 

Thank you for being so incredibly faithful. Thank you for placing Holy Spirit desires in my heart as a young teen. Desires that you are still preparing me for and growing me in. Desires that give life to my soul and joy to your heart.
Thank you for being my first delight and desire. Thank you that I can trust you as I learn to do good and befriend faithfulness.
Thank you that you do fulfill desires. I'm so thankful you actually find joy in fulfilling the desires you have placed on my heart.

Your faithfulness and steadfast love inspire me to pursue you and delight in you as you fulfill the desires of my heart. 


I love you.

Love,
Hanna

For more information about the Gan Sabra home and Orphan Outreach, please visit:
http://orphanoutreach.co/countries-we-serve/india/aizawl.asp

To financially support my trip to India, please visit my YouCaring page: 
https://www.youcaring.com/hannabishop-760674

Knowing to be Known

"To Know God and Make Him Known."

That is the centralized motto of the worldwide missions organization I work with--Youth With A Mission.

My organization is busy sending people from the nations to the nations and training them to do so to others.

It's a beautiful thing, and it works. Which is why in the past 50 years YWAM has developed into the largest mission organization in the world.

But there's a funny thing that happens when you're out on mission and being trained that YWAM never mentions in its vision and mission statements or core values.

They never mention that when you intentionally go forth into knowing God and making him known, it will be the biggest journey of intimacy, vulnerability and battling insecurities you've ever faced.

They never mention it'll be one of the hardest, most uncomfortable yet best things you've ever done in your life.

They never mention you'll cry more than ever while simultaneously laugh more, too.

As many of you know, Amsterdam has been one of the most challenging phases of my life.

...and I thought Thailand was hard with it's farm labor, mosquitoes and literal demons.

Yet I've found this beautiful Dutch city has a sneaky way of getting inside your head and bringing out the unbeautiful; of making you isolate yourself. Of making you believe every insecurity to ever cross your mind. Of making you think you don't matter, won't make a difference, have no purpose and are only known for your faults.

It senses any trace of insecurity and illuminates it with spotlights, flashing neon signs and billboards until you are totally overwhelmed by it.
I know this sounds extreme, but it's something that plagues our city, and it's something even nonbelievers will admit.

In this last year, a fellow YWAMer of mine met with a majority of the Amsterdam Pentacostal pastors and asked this question, "What do you think is the biggest issue our city faces?"

Their answer?

"Loneliness."

Every. Single. Pastor.
Every one quickly gave that same answer without ever consulting one another. That's how obvious loneliness is in this liberal, modern metropolis of over 800,000 "free, happy, hippy" people.

And what causes this city, and ourselves, to isolate in loneliness?
It's believing and acting upon what I mentioned above; it's believing your insecurities are who you are, that you don't matter, won't make a difference and have no purpose because you are only known for your faults.

But oh, dear heart, how that is not true!

You are good for people, and you are good for God. God designed and formed you and said "it is good."

For He "loves you with an everlasting love, therefore [He] has extending his faithfulness to you." (Jer. 31:3, ESV)

You've been through it. You've seen and experienced the nastiness of this world but that is not who you are. 

In John Eldridge's book, Waking the Dead, he claims our hearts are good.
Have they been afflicted? Lied to? Misused and abused? Absolutely. There is a battle between good and evil going on for our hearts everyday.
Nonetheless, our hearts are still good.
Because God resides in our hearts. Our hearts are the Holy of Holies because of Christ; we are the temple. And God can't reside in a place unless it's 100% good.

Broken? Yes. Beautiful? Yes. Good? Yes. 

So if all this is true, and even if we know God and know who Christ is, why do so many Christians still struggle with isolation?
Because love hurts and vulnerability isn't easy, and we think because we've lived broken we aren't worth being loved so we don't let ourselves fully relate with others.

We tell ourselves, "I don't hit the mark, I'm not as smart, pretty or witty as them, so why would they want to be with me? Let alone desire to be with me?"

Yet Donald Miller once wrote something I kind of really like:

"If our identity gets broken, it affects our ability to connect. And I wonder if we're not all a lot better for each other than we previously thought. I know we're not perfect, but I wonder how many people are withholding the love they could provide because they secretly believe they have fatal flaws" (Scary Close, 129).

"I wonder if we're not all a lot better for each other than we previously thought."

Beloved, what lies are you believing that cause you to isolate yourself and not live in freedom and vulnerability? 

What lies are you believing that keep you bound and not living fully alive? 

(Remember, chains can feel awful comfortable sometimes).

It's true, vulnerability and living exposed is scary and can be very painful (just look at the cross), but “the only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell” (C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves).

Intimacy is scary. Vulnerability isn't safe. But both are so good. 

 
 
This has been my journey these past ten months. 

As I've been out on mission to know God and make Him known in Amsterdam, all while He has turned the tables and instead wants me to know myself and be known by others. 

...in an incredibly dangerous, intimate, yet healthy way. 

Is it hard? 

Oh, yes. 

I've had to look at those insecurities and lies right in the face (literal faces, at times) and speak Christ-truth and authority over them. Several times. 

Is it scary?

Certainly. 

I've had to remind myself of the goodness of loving without expectation; to love without getting anything back--and actually being okay with it. 

Is it worth it?

Absolutely.  

These past few months have been the most emotional of my life, but it's in that place of deep healing and feeling I can love bigger and better. 

My ministry and friendships have shifted as I've grown to know more about God, myself and my need for others and their need for me. 

So, dear heart, will you join me in this journey of intimacy and vulnerability? 

Will you join me in battling the lies and speaking truth? 

Will you join me in loving big and accepting love in return? 

Will you join me in learning again, what it means to live fully alive? 

Although I've only started this journey I can tell you already it's worth it, because Jesus is in it. 

And there is nothing that satisfies more than being intimate with the Creator and Lover of your soul. 

Jesus, your display of incredible vulnerability on the cross inspires me to lay myself bare and bloody before others because that's what they need--just like how I also desperately needed your bare and bloody love. 

Thank you for being the security in contrast to my insecurities. For being my number-one cheerleader, and for bringing radical healing. 

And thank you for loving me so intensely, and for giving me the bravery to love others the same. 

I love you. 

Love, 

Hanna 

   

The above photos are pictures of Antwerp, Belgium and a canal in Amsterdam that I took last month while my parents were visiting...isn't Amsterdam gorgeous in the fall?! I love it :)