it's for you, too.

"The Lord has restored my dignity so much...to the point where I remember my shame no more!"

I look at her from across the table; the lit candles reflect in her joy-filled eyes.
A warm grin spreads across her gentle, Dominican face as she continues,

"I don't belong to my past! AMEN!"

There's power that comes with a restored life and a freedom-filled testimony.

This beautiful woman has seen the darkest side of humanity--the use and abuse of her heart and body. Yet in the darkness of the Red Light, she found Light Himself and allowed His love to restore her life.

I sat there with watery eyes, struck by what an incredible privilege it is to sit at the same table as this woman.

I'm struck by what a miracle it is she's even sitting at this table.

I'm amazed and so thankful she's spending her evening at our bible study, sharing the Word and stories together instead of standing behind an illuminated window.

Jesus caught her heart five years ago and she hasn't stood behind a window since.
She said, "YES!" and actually meant it and let Holy Spirit turn her life upside-down in radical grace.

As I'm sitting there struck by the power of her testimony, a part of my heart stung under her words.
I thought to myself, "how much room have I actually allowed Holy Spirit to restore my dignity?"
And not only that, but how much do I truly believe He's actually restored my dignity? How much do I believe in the power of His radical grace? Do I really even believe His grace is sufficient for me? For all my mistakes, wrongs and self-inflicted pain? Dang it, why is it so much easier to say yes to shame, fear and doubt than to receive grace and forgiveness?!

We continued to laugh, read and cry together for the rest of the night. I penned down her lines of wisdom and let Holy Spirit use them to penetrate my soul.
As I went home that evening, I earnestly prayed,
"Jesus, just like her I WANT TO REMEMBER MY PAST NO MORE."

When I look back, I no longer want to see shame and pain. I want to see grace. I want to see HIS faithfulness and goodness and let it run all over my sin.

Now, please don't think I'm excusing the consequences of poor decisions. We live in a world of cause and effect and we have to deal with those consequences asking for God's grace and wisdom in how to best do so.

But when I look at things past--at things which have gone, I want to see victory in where I am now and see God's fingerprints all over the process of moving past those circumstances.

God's been highlighting the contradiction of shame and grace to me a lot lately; from Scripture, conversations, sermons, worship times, prayer times, other's praying over me...you name it. The Lord keeps speaking, "Hanna, the past is past. This is now, and this is a season of dancing."

This is a season of Grace. 

Like most Christianese words, such as faith and hope, I always found the word Grace as somewhat an abstract concept rather then a world-shifting reality.
So what does Grace really mean? In reference to God's Grace, it means "the free and unmerited favor of God."

FREE AND UNMERITED. 

Never earned. NEVER earned.
It erases shame and "rightful" punishment.
It makes right what was wrong.
It restores broken hearts, minds, bodies and relationships.
Grace is Power. Grace is Change. Grace is Reconciliation to the One who knit us together and to one another.

You know, my name actually means "Grace."

The word Grace is spoken over me day after day after day as people call my name, but it's funny how we become numb to Truth and no longer let it infiltrate our souls.

I've heard about Grace, at times I've actually experienced touches of God's Grace. But very little have I truly accepted God's Grace for myself.
I've tried my best to grant it over others, but rarely for myself.
And when I don't accept God's grace, I don't allow Him to restore my dignity.

But this is a time of self-Grace.
Of Grace pouring-out to come from a place of Grace pouring-in. 

When I hear my name, I desire to no longer hear, "weak, doubtful, fearful and shameful."
I desire to hear the true meaning of my name. To hear the reality of WHO I AM.

I desire to hear GRACE. 
And let the reality of Grace restore my dignity.
Just as He faithfully has, and continues to do, for my sweet Dominican friend.

And I am oh so thankful for His Grace as I continue in this process.
I'm thankful Grace doesn't call us to be perfect, rather simply calls us to receive and be restored.

Hallelujah. 




My Jesus, 

I am so thankful for your incredible Grace. 
I am so thankful Grace is never something to be earned, but always something to be received. 
Thank You that Your Grace IS sufficient and Your mercies are new every morning. 

Thank You that You earned Grace for me 2000 years ago. May I never forget the weight of Your Grace. May I let it fill my words, direct my actions, shape my relationships and restore my dignity. 

I love You. 

Love, Hanna

Bright as the Noonday

"Hanna. Help them."

That's it.
That's all God told me when he called me into sex industry ministry at age fifteen.

I was on a short-term mission trip to Guadalajara, Mexico with my youth group at the time (Dan, if you're reading this, a major shout-out to you for being an amazing Youth Pastor and spiritual mentor and for opening my eyes to the reality of the world of missions).
Although short, the trip had been real and intense. From going to the slums of Guadalajara to the wealthy streets--we saw the need for God everywhere. My heart was enlivened for missions, and I had been baptized in Holy Spirit on that trip. I knew after those two weeks my life was never going to be the same.

And I was right.

On the last night, our whole team spent a significant time praying over one another.
Four of us students were called to the mission field that same night.
And within two years, all of us had gone out in obedience.
One friend back to Mexico, two to Eastern Africa, and myself to Southeast Asia.

In the moment I was called, with tears streaming down my face, the Lord gave me a vivid, yet gruesome vision.

And I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna sugar-coat it...
The Lord showed me two Southeast Asian women being violently raped and He simply said, "help them."

Since then, down in the depths of my spirit, I can't seem to shake away this passion for seeing justice come to women working in the sex industry.

I went to Thailand, and my heart for that region of the world grew. I know I'm going back (hopefully this summer/fall for a visit!) for either long or short-term.
But above all else, whether that's in Europe, stateside, Asia--or heck, even South America--I have an unwavering passion for seeing women set free from sex-trafficking and independent prostitution and to help them discover their true identity and priceless worth. 

This passion for justice has been reawakened during my time here in Amsterdam.

I left Thailand at age eighteen discouraged about God telling me to go to university and not to stay in Asia, so subconsciously I put my passion for women on the backburner until after school when it was "missions time" again.

My first mistake was thinking university wasn't also a missions field. Nonetheless, through being a ministry leader on campus and leading most campus community outreaches, the Lord kept my flame for active outreach alive.

My second mistake was putting my passion for sex industry ministry on the backburner. Because it's been a journey to reignite it here in Europe.

However, the Lord has been faithful to reignite this passion, and since Christmas, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that working with women and seeking God's heart for justice in the sex industry is something I want to do for the rest of my life. 

Funny thing too, because a part of the scripture prophesied over me for my time in Amsterdam goes like this:

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth 

your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." 

Psalm 37:5-6 (ESV, italics added)

And oh, how I've seen this happen! 

Jesus has begun to break my heart for what breaks his. 

Tears come to my eyes as I think of the degrading violation my friends in the Red Light have to endure day in and day out. 

Tears come to my eyes as I think of certain conversations I've had with them; conversations about their personal value and their response being stumbling words and looking down at the ground in shame. 

I desire to see these women's righteousness shine as the light. And for justice to be bright in their lives--bright as the noonday. 

I desire, and Jesus does too, that they no longer immediately relate the words "light" with "red" and noonday as their time for sleep. 

He wants to redeem those words in their lives and to shine His glorious light in their hearts.

And it's such a privilege to take part in Christ's redeeming process here in Amsterdam. 

Jesus, my sweet, sweet Jesus. Your incredible heart for justice and righteousness inspires me daily. Thank you for fighting the ultimate fight with death 2000 years ago so we can embrace real life no matter how close to death we come. 

Thank you that nothing is too damaged for you to redeem. Thank you that nothing is too dark for you to not make bright again. 

Thank you for your light, kind yet majestic nature. 

I am so in love with you and so inspired by you. 

So every day I will continually choose to respond to your command;

Yes, Lord, I will help them. 

Love,

Hanna

Starting this week I will be participating in a six-week seminar on my base called the Shine Seminar. It's about global sex-trafficking and the Christian response. It has a full schedule, and will be intense content--so please pray for me, my classmates and school staff. I'm really excited for it because I know it will be so relevant to the ministry I'm doing in the Red Light District. 

Also, above I mentioned visiting Asia this summer. I'm going on a ministry trip to India in August and hopefully visiting/scouting out other parts of SE Asia while I'm there. If you'd like to help fund my trip (because as a YWAM missionary my everyday finances come from private gifts from individuals) please see my YouCaring page: 

https://www.youcaring.com/hannabishop-760674

THANK YOU! 

The photographs are captures I took in March during my trips to England and Paris.
I went to England for a womens conference with my Amsterdam home church, and then to Paris for a girls weekend with some friends.
I'm so blessed to have opportunities to travel here!