Sunday, February 28, 2016

Giving Up to Grace


There’s nothing like being taken out of all that is familiar to realize how incapable you are...


But. But. But.

I’m adventurous Hanna! I’m the girl who was always the first one out the door and to raise my hand to volunteer for something new and uncertain.

I’m always the one looking for the next exciting thing. The new territory to be discovered and land to be pioneered.



But. But. But…

I can’t. 


Yesterday marked one week of being in Amsterdam.

One week and I’ve already discovered how incapable I am to do anything without God’s Grace.

Since new staff orientation starts tomorrow, my opportunities to minister this past week have been limited.

But even with just one night in the Red Light District and one evening working with the homeless in our Hidden Treasures ministry, I’ve discovered how incapable I am of effectively ministering.

I don’t know the language. I don’t understand their life situations.

I have no idea how to speak Dutch (although I’m trying to learn) or Spanish and have no idea what it’s like to move to a big city in hopes to provide for a suffering family back home.

I have no idea what it’s like to give my body to man after man to earn money to send to a sick mother back home.

I have no idea what it’s like to travel to a strange city with hopes of better financial provision for my family back in Romania, only to find myself again on the streets drenched in rain and disappointment.

And I have no idea how to do what I’ve been called here to do.

But there’s one thing that God is teaching me to do…

TO GO LOWER.




To humble myself. Because it’s in the place of “no idea” where God shows His power and glory through his people and lives are forever changed.

It’s in the place of loving submission I find myself being healed through grace and others are joining me along in that journey.

It’s in the place of “giving up” that God’s grace and gifts are poured out even more and my “can’ts” become His “cans” and it is in that place my heart is full and people are healed. 



“He must increase, but I must decrease.” -John 3:30 (ESV)


I know that verse is probably the #1 verse on humility, but can we take a moment and actually meditate on it?

Less of me, MORE of Him.


Not saying I have to become a vegetable in order to be used by the Spirit. God made Hanna, just like God make Ryan, Bethany, Anne, or whoever else may be reading this.

God made unique souls and His glory shines through our personalities in restored relationship.

In that passage, John the Baptist was reacting to his disciples who came to report people leaving his ministry to follow Jesus.

I love John’s reaction.

“My ministry must decrease so people can see the One who actually restores their hearts and heals their wounds.”

God. That is my cry.

As I enter a new ministry, a new phase of life.
As I daily walk the streets of a desperately lost city and talk to hurting hearts I want to shine Your glory.

Simply so others can experience Your everlasting love.

I lay down my “I can’ts” and even my “I cans,” because I know that You only say “I can,” and Yours are so much bigger and better than mine ever could be.

I lay down any expectation I hold over myself to be able to minister “correctly,” because I can’t relate these people. My life is nothing like theirs. But I can offer them love, because You have given me love.



Jesus, Your “cans” inspire me to go lower.

You inspire me to surrender daily, because I know I can’t do anything without You.

I love you.

-Hanna


The photos are simple Iphone shots of Iceland and Amsterdam I took this past week.


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Just One Little Word....

TRUST.

noun
1. firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.
verb
1. believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.




That beautiful yet terrifying word up there is the word God gave me for 2016. It’s not a word to describe what my 2016 will be, it’s an action I need to do for the next 12 months and beyond--it's not the noun usage, it's the verb. I must actively trust Him.

TRUST.

Today, one week before getting on a plane and leaving all I know and love for a beautiful and dark Dutch city, the leader of my ministry Skyped me to inform me that my YWAM ministry has been dissolved.

No more YWAM Lighthouse. No more Red Light District specific ministry with YWAM Amsterdam.

TRUST.

She says I should pray and choose another ministry, or do the Evangelism Team if I want to still work with the ladies in the district.

She said, “Our particular ministry has stopped, but the work has not. We are still very active in the district with the Evangelism Team.”

Funny thing is, I didn’t freak out at all. 



I was overwhelmed with such an amazing peace.

Why? I originally applied for the Evangelism Team in the first place but settled on The Lighthouse out of fear.

When I started scoping out YWAM Amsterdam last year, I spoke with a couple of staff at the base, one was on the Evangelism Team. According to that staff member, my interests matched well with the Evangelism Team, but I would have to be willing to do other street ministry outside the Red Light District—ministry with the homeless and drug dealers. I would have to be willing to do active street Evangelism several times a week.

That sounded great, but honestly really exhausting. So I said “No” because I didn’t think God could sustain me through that type of ministry and decided to fall back on something familiar.





TRUST.

Now I find myself, one week from flying out, being placed into a ministry I was originally terrified of.

TRUST.

Yet somehow, I know God will sustain me.
Somehow, I know God will give me a genuine LOVE for the streets of Amsterdam and the people I meet there.
Somehow, I know that God will grow me immensely—grow me more than He could if I was at The Lighthouse.


I trust, despite my fears, that He will surround me with the right teammates and friends.
I trust, He will provide in every way—financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
I trust, He will grow my heart to love more—to love like Him, and to help me see Amsterdamians through His eyes.
I trust in Him, because I KNOW that he is reliable, true, able and strong.

I trust that trusting Him is the best thing I could ever do.

Join me and trust Him today?
Trust Him to provide your every need?
Trust Him to guide you, lead you, and place you right where you need to be.

And please, pray that I will continue to trust Him too.
Because He is a good Father who gives good gifts to His children.



TRUST.

Jesus, your reliability, truth, ability and strength inspires me to trust you.
Thank you.

Love,
Hanna


The pictures above are from my Boston trip way back in October. Finally got around to showing a couple of the few hundred I took that week ;)