You aren't brave enough.
You aren't witty enough.
You aren't strong enough.
You aren't pretty enough.
You aren't friendly enough.
You aren't talented enough.
You aren't skinny enough.
You aren't courageous enough.
You aren't adventurous enough.
You aren't compassionate enough.
You aren't spiritual enough.
You aren't good enough.
You aren't enough. You just simply aren't enough.
...Sound familiar?
Those words pierce heart and soul yet they feel like a kind of familiar.
They bite--bite hard--yet provide some sort of dysfunctional comfort.
This habit of standing tall and trying to "measure up" tends to always leave us crumbled in a fetal position of defeat.
Lies are powerful.
They hold so much influence, if you let them they can rip you out like a tide from all confidence and security and leave you drowning in a massive ocean of despondency.
I've battled with a lot of soul-lies.
After hours of counseling I've finally come to the conclusion that all those little lies sum up to the Big Kahuna of, "I'm not enough."
Perhaps your soul-lies sum up to something else, but I think every human on this little blue and green sphere has heard the hissed lie: "you're not enough."
Why? Why is this such a plaguing yet embraced statement?
Why does it drive young teen boys into violent behavior to hear they are enough by fellow peers?
Why does it cause young women to close their mouths, not letting food in while keeping empowering, up-building words from coming out?
Why does it cause someone (like myself), from a good family and background struggle with depression and destructive thoughts?
Why does it cause striving in the work place, betrayal in the church, jealousy between people and strife in all kinds of relationships?
And why do we listen to those lies? Why do they even come?
An evening not so long ago, I found myself sobbing in the arms of my older sister overwhelmed by lies and a familiar depression that had just suddenly cascaded upon me. She rocked me in the dark and whispered, "Hanna, don't fear your feelings. God is bigger than even those. You can trust God with your feelings."
That statement triggered a revelation: not only is God bigger than those lies and my feelings, but when I decide not to fear them, they actually loose power and influence.
And when those lies, destructive thoughts and overwhelming feelings have lost power, they aren't useful to the enemy anymore.
Satan's evil, totally, but he's not dumb. He only attacks and discourages with things that work.
Depression has a nasty habit of tagging along with someone--especially a recovering "depresse."
You can go to bed feeling totally fantastic and then wake up the next morning unable to move under its intense weight.
Now, God delivered me from "mild" yet consistent depression in September, but about every two weeks I still found myself having bad days and struggling to truly be myself. And I feared this. I knew I wasn't myself and I was overwhelmed and frustrated by it all.
And it's because I feared the heaviness, it would still come.
It's a vicious cycle, really.
One moment you're fine, hoping the lies don't come, and then they do. You start to feel down, and you are so attune to them it becomes overwhelming. You have a breakdown. You start to feel a little better, but you still dread the lies will come back...and because you shake in fear they continue to descend without mercy.
To the poor hearts who know this: I feel for you. I feel with you. And you know what?
It's okay to feel.
Uncomfortable? Certainly. Scary? Absolutely. But it's okay to feel.
Feeling means you're human. Feeling means you're dependent on Something. Feeling means you have a deep need that you can't find in yourself.
Feelings are meant to be felt, not feared.
Feelings aren't dangerous unless you let them be.
Fears are only powerful if you allow them be.
Lies only seem true if you believe them to be.
And can I tell you something kind of great? Since that evening with my sister, I haven't had a bad day.
A bad morning? A bad moment? Yes. I have had many of those. But instead of dragging through the day in discouragement thinking, "I've failed, I haven't fought hard enough, I'm still believing these lies," I immediately run to Jesus in prayer and hear Him say, "Hanna, it's okay to feel inadequate. Because Christ in you is adequate. Christ in you is always enough. There's no fear in perfect love. And Christ is perfect love."
Christ is always enough.
I've always had this head knowledge. But something about learning not to fear my feelings has opened the avenue for it to sink into heart knowledge.
Because Christ is enough, dear heart, you are enough!
Does that really ring true in you? YOU ARE ENOUGH!!
Oh, how important this is to thoroughly understand!
The fear speaking, "you aren't enough," actually is the lie that Christ isn't enough.
Let that sink in. You are Christ's and He is yours. You are in Him. If you doubt that fact just read the entire book of Colossians.
You are enough in Christ. He is your confidence, He is your strength, He is your love.
So be brave, dear one, and let Jesus fight for you.
For "your bravery wins a thousand battles you can't see because your bravery strengthens a thousand others to win their battles too." (Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way)
Let those lies come, because you know the truth.
Let those feelings come, because you have nothing to fear in Perfect Love.
Let life come, because you know that no matter what happens the end is all the same Glory.
Beloved, you are enough.
Jesus,
Thank you for your perfect love that casts out all fear. Thank you that your love was given to me in perfect brokenness so my brokenness can extend love to others. You have been, are, and always will be more than enough. I say YES to your abundance through Holy Spirit and YES to the identity of beloved and Christ-adequacy. Your incredible love for me inspires me to continue to rest in the fight, to be brave and to love others regardless.
I love you.
Love,
Hanna
The book I quoted, The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp, is absolutely incredible no matter what stage of life you're in. Get it. Read it. Savor it. It will help you and inspire you in your journey, I promise!
Also, just a few great chunks of Scripture regarding all of this:
Colossians
1 John
2 Timothy 1:7
Philippians
John 15
