I deal with pain in a healthy, constructive way.
I don't do drugs, I don't sleep around, I don't struggle with over-eating or gambling.
I'm a faithful spouse, friend and family member. I contribute to society and am even generous with my time and resources. I'm good. Even when I'm in pain, I don't self-medicate to numb myself.
Well, my friend, we tell ourselves a lot of lies sometimes.
Every person self-medicates. Every person has an escape because pain is inevitable in this life. We all try to either numb or please ourselves at the expense of ourselves, loved ones or society as a whole. At times, we all have let ourselves be overwhelmed by unspeakable pain and let it steal our strength and hope.
God's been teaching me a lot about the nature of pain these past weeks...
Months. Years. Okay, actually he's been teaching me about pain my entire life but just gave me a particular perspective on it recently.
Pain is a MASSIVE topic. It's one of our worst fears while simultaneously one of our most constant companions. Humanity's instinct is to avoid pain at all costs. We'll throw ridiculous amounts of money towards treatments, medicines, and distractions. We'll throw around horrific words at one another in defense of our own heart. We'll even numb our hearts--go on complete lock-down--in order to avoid pain.
But what if pain actually isn't a destructive thing...but actually grows us in strength and compassion?
It's likely I don't know you, but I already know you're thinking, "this woman is a total optimistic idiot who hasn't seen pain or known heartache and has no idea what she's talking about."
Well hold up one second and let me tell you:
I walk streets dripping in pain everyday.
I see men empty their wallets to numb themselves as women--my friends--exchange their dignity to pay their debts and get that fix.
I've seen cancer degrade loved ones to skin and bones, leaving them in ICUs; eventually taking their last breath.
I've seen abuse leave bruises and drugs take lives.
I've seen empty bank accounts, doctors shake their heads at me saying, "I don't know what's wrong with you" and I've known broken promises, relationships and unfulfilled dreams.
...but haven't we all?
That's my point.
Suffering is a reality of being human. It's a freaking painful reality. And guess what, it's even part of the gospel. It's a major part of the gospel.
Pain is hard. Pain is horrible, because pain is not of the Lord. God doesn't cause pain--the devil and our poor decisions do.
Nonetheless, people in pain deserve our support, our sympathy, but also our encouragement to see the bigger picture of their pain--to see they're not the only ones who know pain, and that their pain is part of this paradoxically beautiful reality of being human. It's part of growing with people and knowing God in a broken world.
One of my all-time favourite authors, Henri Nouwen, perfectly depicts this exact paradox of beautiful pain in his book, The Inner Voice of Love. He claims coming into a full realisation of our pain, of actually OWNING our pain, is the first and a vital step to healing. Allowing ourselves to feel helps us see the bigger picture; to see we aren't the only people in pain, and it leads us into a life full of forgiveness and compassion. It leads us into a Jesus-like life.
Nouwen states,
"The deeper truth is that the situation which brought about your pain was simply the form in which you came in touch with the human condition of suffering...healing means moving from your pain to the pain....real healing comes from realising that your own particular pain is a share in humanity's pain. That realisation allows you to forgive your enemies and enter into a truly compassionate life. That is the way of Jesus."
Owning your pain, not avoiding it--THAT IS THE WAY OF JESUS.
I don't know about you, but when I look at the cross I certainly see pain.
Yet when I look at the tomb I don't see pain.
When I look at the tomb I see victory.
I see healing.
I see strength.
I see life.
Nonetheless, we mustn't forget the cross came first.
That hard, cold, yet beautiful cross brought pain, death and loss.
Yet the tomb couldn't be without the cross.
If you're in pain right now, I know this is the last reality you want to think about. I've been there. When you're sharing your pain and someone responds with, "God is good, it'll be alright." You just want to smash that person in the nose and yell, "OH YEAH?! Do you think God's good now?!" You simply want out. The limbic system in your brain is screaming, "OUCH. This hurts! This is uncomfortable! Run! Do whatever it takes to fix this and GET OUT."
Even if that means not feeling.
Even if that means shutting down in depression and closing yourself off to community, relationship and love.
But dear heart, it's exactly in those places you'll find healing.
It's exactly in those relationships, conversations and interactions where you'll discover others hurt, too. That people are on your side--that God is always on your side.
"In the world you will be have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33 (ESV)-
God tends to do this crazy redemption thing (it's a habit of his, I suppose) where he actually turns our pain into our strength.
That happened with Jesus.
The cross, the very thing that brought him down, is now his (and our) authority and strength to stand again.
Living a Jesus-like life means getting off that cross.
Living a Jesus-like life means being buried.
Living a Jesus-like life means we ALWAYS rise again.
Living a Jesus-like life always means healing.
It means relationship. It means communion with God and others. It means love. It means compassion and grace. It means feeling.
Have grace for yourself, you don't get to this place overnight--but it's important to always remind yourself that YOU WILL get there.
I'll boldly state that believing you won't get there is not fully believing the gospel and its power.
Because the gospel isn't just pain--it's pain leading to victory and life.
When I look at the gospel, I see the cross and pain; but that's not the end.
The end of the gospel is that there is no end; it's an endless ending. The ending is the Love of the Father, the Friendship of Jesus and the Guidance of Holy Spirit for eternity. It's strength; it's LIFE.
And that is your inheritance.
My sweet, kind Jesus,
Thank you, because of your death I never have to die; because you live, I do too.
Thank you, because of your temporary separation from the Father I never have to know separation from you.
Thank you, because even when all I see is pain--when I'm drowning in emotion and hurt--there's community and communion to realign my perspective. Thank you that love heals, and living loved and living to love is my true and only vocation.
It's my deepest desire to live and love like you.
I love you.
Love,
Hanna
The pictures above are from my travels last month to India and Thailand.
It was incredible and life-changing. Dreams were fulfilled; I saw healing, breathtaking nature and knew sweet communion with other believers and experienced the kindest joy from adorable children. Jesus just loved on me from all directions...it was the biggest gift.
